Archive for June, 2009

Fixing this economy

Posted in Uncategorized on 17 June, 2009 by salutiferous

Six ways out of this recession:

  • Deregulate all business activity. Even schoolchildren know that you can either have safe air travel and bacteria free meat or a growing economy but not both.
  • Properly incentivize executives. I don’t think it’s just a simple coincidence that CEO’s started taking pay raise cuts around the same time that stuff hit the fan.
  • Invade some new countries. Economic benefits only come from invasions and not quagmires. The armed forces are structured to be an expeditionary force for a reason. It’s no longer camping when the RV’s tires are flat and one side is mossy.
  • Cut taxes. Just taking a breath between sentences about tax cuts hurts the economy.
  • Invent an immediate horrifying threat. Kim Jong is funny but his son might be more frightening than Ming the Merciless and then everyone can start spending money on their fallout shelters while we cut social services to build more ICBM’s.
  • Beef up domestic security. You don’t want progress to a glorious capitalist future hindered by a bunch of hippies who opted out of the economy to depress everyone else about climate change and animal rights. They’ll need their own incarceration facilities to avoid organizing the general prison population.

Deregulating, invading, cutting taxes, etc, can only fail if we try them half-heartedly. Dismiss all naysayers for the sake of the economy.